I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
