I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
