i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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