The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize