so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
