your thong is hanging out like whoa
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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