hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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