i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize