i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
