He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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