How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
