speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize