I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
