She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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