Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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