You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
