I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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