No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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