My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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