I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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