i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
