I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The best revenge is premature balding
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
