Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
