Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
