So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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