your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
