so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
