...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
