Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We are two peas in an std pod
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
