chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
