Plan B is the new Plan A
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
