I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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