I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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