Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
