um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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