I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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