I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
