You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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