I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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