And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize