It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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