i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
