The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
