Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
