im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
