glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
