who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
