I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Welp...herpes.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Im part way to drunk.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Randomize
