I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
