I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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