her vagine was all disorganized.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
