he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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