I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize