she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
