how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
