I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
