he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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