i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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