Swine flu is the new snow day.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
