Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
