alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The air was thick with penises
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
