Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
